Too short short takes

I have very little to say about any of today's gems except that I like each of them. 

You're welcome, yes, but it does make me feel a little guilty because "fair use" includes some kind of transformative commentary to avoid simply re-posting other people's work.

So judge me by my body of work rather than today's example of re-posts sans ripostes.

And click on all the links and buy all their books and stuff.

 

For instance, there have been a kabillion cartoons about the GOP search for a Speaker and some have been okay and some have been lame, but only Phil Hands combined making a point and making me laff.

Not only has he captured the chaos in admirable Technicolor, but the contrast between the parents' bland acceptance of their children's behavior and the look of horror on Ryans' face is priceless.

Not to mention the way Ryan comes across as that little-man-so-spic-and-span who managed to not be in the room when the shit hit the fan.

Well, you're here now, pal, whether you take the job or not.

 

Similarly, I agree with Jimmy Margulies, but have little to add, except for this:

Since I moved from Maine in 2008, I have maintained my two accounts at Bangor Savings Bank because they have no service charges and no minimum balance requirement and, best of all, they automatically rebate your ATM fees from anywhere.

Anywhere.

I provided a link to the bank in case you want to jump aboard, but my point is this: If they can do this and stay in business, why can't the others do the same?

Somebody needs to smarten up, and -- hint, hint -- I don't think it's gonna be BankofAmerica.

See what your local community bank has going on. 

 

If you come here often, you're probably as weary of me saying I'm weary of "bland restatement" cartoons as I am of "bland restatement" cartoons. But Matt Bors cracked me up with this one.

It helps if you start with something totally ridiculous, of course, and Dr. Ben Carson is just what the cartoonist ordered.

 

And I've got nothing at all to say about this Andertoons except that I'll bet it gets some circulation among "the help." 

Back in the olden days, there would be a square cut out of the comics page in the break room newspaper today and a cartoon posted in the ladies room where nobody in management would ever see it.

 

Meanwhile, those of us who work at home will identify with today's xkcd.

Granted, I live in town, so the sirens and motorcycles and such are my own choice and thus my own fault.

And I like the chiming of the clock on the Back To The Future combination city hall and opera house on our Back To The Future town square, half a block away from here.

But the post office that backs up to the sideyard uses leaf blowers and everyone in the neighborhood seems to mow their lawn three times a week and the house next door has been being rehabbed with power tools since last spring and now the house across the way has been sold and they'll start rehabbing that, too.

And where the hell is that humming sound coming from???

 

Brad Diller captures my absolutely most hated cliche. Not only is it inexcusably lazy, amateurish writing, but it's never accurate. It's never even appropriate.

It falls under a pair of damning categories: Insulting my intelligence as a reader and presuming upon the values and psyches of people to hype up the drama of your story, which, if this is what you consider acceptable verbiage, is no doubt crap from start to finish.

The worst nightmare of any writer would be to tuck this phony garbage phrase into a story that lands on my desk for editing.

 

Not entirely sure a strip called "Bug Martini" is in a strong position to talk about nasty-tasting beverages, but he's right on this one.

And he's nailed it on both counts: Not only the ineffective cough syrup part, but the nasty alcopop part as well.

They used to confine the icky stuff to the schnapps and Southern Comfort and sloe gin, beyond which people who wanted to get drunk without tasting what got them there had to mix it with Coke or 7Up or add Fizzies or something.

And that last bit is only a small joke: There used to be something on the street called "Shake'em Up," which was when a ... okay, I'll bet you're not allowed to say "wino" anymore, so let's say "a Gentleman of Limited Means and Unlimited Thirst" ... could only panhandle enough money for something really undrinkable and so would then have to spend another dime on a packet of pre-sweetened Kool-Aid, and hence the term.

I guess some liquor company executive found out about this.

 

Anne Morse-Hambrock adds her commentary on the topic at "Anne and God," and, in case you don't know, here's what she's talking about.

Gaaaaah.

Yes, Anne, they're targeting your daughter and her friends.

My son, who has young daughters of his own, has suggested that Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" had a product-placement deal with Mike's Hard Lemonade. 

Not sure he was joking, but it did turn up under the arm of many a hapless entrapped doofus.

Anyway, I see alcopop bottles in the bushes, and I don't think they're being left there by the GOLMAUTs, so, yes, they're the choice of way-underage drinkers.

Pretty good reason to let your children sip your drink and find out what an "adult beverage" actually is supposed to taste like.

Or at least to put on a little adult music and inculcate them on the subject of adult relationships.

 

 Thanks for dropping by. I'll be back tomorrow when I have more to yap about.

 

Comments

[Murdoch]

Been in a beer aisle lately? A quarter of the six-packs are ciders and half the beers are flavored. We like Pale Ale, but can't make sense of the many varieties offered. Variety is the vice of life.

[Craig L]

Don't feel like you let us down today. You've said plenty. (And I mean that in a good way.)

"a cartoon posted in the ladies room where nobody in management would ever see it" suggests something about business that is sadly no less true today than it was in the Mad Men days... but I suspect that in the few places with a woman boss, she would have a private executive washroom apart from the Lady Grunts (and I'm looking at you, Carly Fiorina)

And I remember when what is now Bug Martini was just bugcomic.com and the artist Adam Huber realized he needed to give Bug a semi-unique last name to get some Google juice... his choice was certainly the biggest mistake by an otherwise consistently funny comic...

[Ed Rush]

Alas, your Jimmy Margulies link doesn't work. It goes to a Newsday 404 page. Google helped me find this link that does: http://www.newsday.com/opinion/jimmy-margulies-cartoons-gallery-1.5414663

[Mike Peterson]

I live near an orchard that makes for-real cider, so the cider issue is painful -- some are nasty candy stuff, some is actually quite good. (The local stuff is excellent.)

My other issue in that aisle is people who mistake hoppiness for quality. Balance, people, balance. But once you control that, there's some really nice beer around, and I'm near both Harpoon and Long Trail, so life is good.

[Mary in Ohio]

And if you think people like my Dad and my Uncle Ralph are the ones smoking White Owl*
grape & banana flavored cigars you get another think.

*they were not above smoking White Owl back when they were tobacco-flavored.

[Bob]

Whole-heartedly agree with you on the hops-mania that's been in vogue for a few years now. Double, triple, quadruple, and imperial IPAs - please.

Long trail was always on my short list when I used to ski Vermont regularly. Don't see it much now, but I did pick up a 25th Anniversary bottle at a specialty shop a couple months ago. Waiting for a special reason to crack it open.

As long as I'm rambling about beer, I'm looking forward to a home-brew fest for charity (C-F) tomorrow with my sons (and daughter-in-law). One of the best things, besides drinking for a good cause, is there are so many beers to try, if one is too hoppy, you can just dump your glass and move on to another brew.

And, so we agree on another point - Indeed, life is good. Enjoy.

[Mike Peterson]

My son makes the best beer I've ever had. Unfortunately, it's the son who lives halfway across the country.

As for flavored tobaccos, we smoked Cherry Blend, Flying Dutchman and John Rolfe, the latter a peach flavor, in our pipes at about 15. By the time I was old enough to be buying the stuff, I'd outgrown them, which pretty much tells the story, doesn't it?