I am talking about moving in and I do want to change your life

Dan Collins' Looks Good On Paper gets the lead-off spot today because he tickled me twice.

One was the visual, a ridiculous image of the traditional suspended-by-their-arms dungeon dwellers, clasping their smartphones and furiously clicking away. This is ludicrous on so many levels that it's futile to begin listing them, and the expression on the face of the speaker tops it off.

And then there's the issue of inviting people to your hangouts circle, and I'm not going to bother with the pun because I'm laughing harder at the inhumane torture of being repeatedly invited to someone's hangouts circle in real (well, virtually real) life.

Like Rick Blaine, I don't mind a parasite, but I object to a cut-rate one, and boy-oh-boy am I getting tired of clicking on something I might want to read only to have the damn thing overlaid with a semi-transparent Pester Screen_TM inviting me to be your best friend forever and right after I read this we'll get married and buy a house in the suburbs with a picket fence and a dog and 2.5 children and a station wagon.

Before there was the Peeing Calvin decal, there was the Yosemite Sam mudflap and I don't know if they paid royalties either, but if computers had mudflaps, this would be mine, because I'm not a very nice person and I don't want to go back to meet your parents and Grammy Hall on our first date.

Only since you were so eager to bring it up, let's make that "ever."

And since I brought it up ...

Speaking of mudflaps, Jen Sorensen's current cartoon is a pensée on the evolution of the pickup truck.

It is not profound but that's a trait I particularly like: The confidence to not be profound all the time.

Go read the rest yourself.

And then bookmark her page.

And like it. And like her, too.

'Cause she's not the kind who begs.

And speaking of non-profound gags

There are non-profound gags that are thoughtful but not profound, and then there are non-profound gags like today's F Minus (update: Argyle Sweater. Sorry, Scott.) that simply make me laff.

And then there are silly gags like today's The Barn that don't make me laff because they're sneaking over towards profundity.

Which reminds me that Rob Tornoe had an article in Editor & Publisher the other day that pretty much sums up the state of syndicating cartooning. Not a lot of news for anyone closely following the biz, but a lot of knowledgeable voices in one place and some good insights for more casual fans of the form.

Suddenly, you won't feel like laughing.

Profoundly funny

Here's why I keep bookmarks for cartoonists whose views I don't often agree with.

Gary Varvel is no Obama fan; far from it. But he's more "right on" than "right wing" today, noting the cold-blooded manner in which Clinton is distancing herself from her own party's president, which would make a lot more sense if he were not popular with her presumed electorate.

I've said before that, if you have a good point, you shouldn't have to bolster it with lies, and the delusional drumbeat of Benghazi and now the whole bogus e-mail issue are simply unnecessary.

Pointing out her heartless ambition should be a big enough weapon, because there's a reason so many Democrats are wishing someone with a little more character and compassion and firm principles would step into the fray.

Or that, when such a person appears, the media bookmakers who pose as journalists could recognize him despite the fact that he didn't sit and schmooze with them at the annual White House Concubines Dinner.

Someone, for instance, like that unknown fellow in Andy Marlette's cartoon, the one opening up the double-digit leads over Hillary.

But he can't win he can't win he can't win he can't win. (Is he still standing there?)

He's not one of the popular kids and maybe if we ignore him he'll take his tray and go sit at another table like he's supposed to.

And Bernie is not going to endear himself to the Cool Kids at Beltway Middle School if he keeps doing things that make them stop autotyping and actually think about what they're writing, like going to Liberty University and saying things like

(L)et me start off by acknowledging what I think all of you already know. And that is the views that many here at Liberty University have and I, on a number of important issues, are very, very different. I believe in a woman's rights....

And the right of a woman to control her own body.

I believe in gay rights and gay marriage.

Those are my views, and it is no secret. But I came here today, because I believe from the bottom of my heart that it is vitally important for those of us who hold different views to be able to engage in a civil discourse.

After his speech, some of the students were quoted as saying that they respected him for much of what he said, but that they still wouldn't vote for him, because the social issues are, for them, "a dealbreaker."

Well, we all have dealbreakers, and that's cool, as long as you recognize them, and as long as you recognize, as some of them did and as Marlette points out, that his views of materialism and service to others are aligned with those of the Carpenter.

No, not this carpenter.