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(N.B.: anyone who has gotten this far has probably realized that good taste has been put aside for the day. Therefore, I make no apologies for what follows.)

After my father drank himself to death, we had him cremated. Took three days to put out the flames. We put him in an urn on the mantlepiece. This was back when people smoked, and unknowing folks used the urn as an ashtray. One day I looked in the urn and said "Good heavens! He's been dead for a year and he's still putting on weight!"

Actually, I dumped his body in the Gulf of Mexico. All right, his ashes. Pedants. My stepmother and I talked for half an hour or so, with each of us putting forth ideas on what to do. Eventually one of us hit upon an idea that we both liked. From what I hear from other people's experiences, it was remarkably drama-free.

Although I'd never try to talk someone out of it, I do find the idea of putting someone in a box and burying them to be kind of strange. I'd like to be eaten by wild animals (after I'm fully dead), but since leaving a dead body out to be eaten is somehow unaccountably frowned upon in our society, I'll settle for having any usable organs harvested (take my lungs, kidneys, sweetbreads, anything you want--I'm not using them anymore), and the rest of me cremated and scattered. And 10% of my ashes thrown in my agent's face.

Mike Peterson

If you ever get a chance to watch (hear) Christopher Titus's Love is Evol, the section on discreetly scattering his father's ashes in a Las Vegas casino is not to be missed.

With the previous disclaimers about taste understood.

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