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Brian Fies

I plan to work "You Dumb Egg!" into my insult vocabulary and use it every chance I get.

I think most zoos still have petting zoos, but I've only ever seen them populated with goats: mean little devil-eyed bastards who'll butt down a toddler just to shake loose an alfalfa nugget from their hand. When I was a kid I went to a petting zoo that was all deer, which was cool enough that I still smile at the memory decades later.

Went camping with family once and drove two hours up into the hills when I discovered that the telescoping poles I thought held up the tent were only for the rain fly. Luckily, we were a group of smart people confident we could MacGyver our way to a solution, so that after an hour of stringing together ropes and stakes and strong-but-flexible branches, I drove four hours back and forth to pick up the proper poles while everyone else spent the afternoon swimming in the lake. Well, it was a solution. Some swearing may have been involved. It didn't help.

Boise Ed

As for fitted sheets, take a marker or Sharpie and stand on the bedside from which you "make the bed." Draw a line or something down near the seam, where it gets tucked under the mattress out of sight. Next time you put the sheet on, look for the mark first, and voila.


Just catching up on columns, and had to thank you for the 1000 Animals mention. Was recently thinking about that place(possibly because of this strip?). We drove past it every year on our way to vacation, and every year my father referred to it as "two sheep and 998 fleas" as he refused to stop.


I could do a whole column on the place, but suffice it to say they had bear cubs in a cage with tin gutters -- roof gutters -- slanting down, and a soda vending machine next to it. You'd buy a soda and pour it down the gutter and the cubs would crowd around their end to lap it up.

Marlin Perkins would have been appalled.

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