Rhymes with Clementine

A perfect time to run into a simple, small, non-cosmic bit of humor from Hilary Price at Rhymes with Orange.

I'm sick of issues and need a bit of whimsy. 

The mission of this blog includes the idea that all good cartoons invoke truth, but, thank goodness, some truths are weightier than others.

As are some crates. When a school group gets together with the Indian River folks and sells cases of grapefruits, there is a quality issue that both the school group and the growers take pretty seriously. They would like this fundraiser to be successful again next year, and so it's worth making sure that the grapefruits they sell are more than simply "not crappy" and "not moldy" but actually of very good quality.

What a concept.

The clementine people, on the other hand, work on the theory that, if it's cute and cheap, you won't expect much. (There's a dating joke in there that I have no intention of touching.)

I've seen clementines for as much as $6.99 and as little as $4.99 and, as far as I can tell, there is no connection between cost and quality.

As Hilary says, it's a total crapshoot. You know that you are buying 18 or 20 little tiny oranges for about six bucks, and the trick is that you won't know the unit cost until you find out how many of them are any good.

What other consumer product do you buy thinking, "Gosh, I hope these don't all suck?"

If only 10 of them are good, you just bought little tiny oranges for sixty cents a pop. If you somehow manage to get 20 good ones (not gonna happen), that cuts it to thirty cents. But if they all turn out to be dry and pithy (that indeed might happen), well then you got ripped off completely.

Think of it as a scratch-off ticket that you peel.

And, just like the scratch-off fans, keep telling yourself, "I usually break even."

Sure you do.

What you need to not think of it as is a slick corporate variation on the old grumpy-grocer's dodge of packaging four pieces of fruit together, one of which is clearly crappy. Or putting the cut of meat fat-and-gristle side down on the foam tray.

And while we're on the topic, not only does a whole lot more quality control go into those cases of Indian River grapefruit, but, when you finish them, you have a cardboard box that recycles easily. Clementine boxes always make me feel like I should probably own a woodstove, which I don't.

I would also note that the ones that come in plastic mesh bags cost the same as the ones that come in cute little pretend fruit crates, and I find it very hard to believe that the packaging and shipping cost is the same.

So that's the point of a funny little cartoon like today's: You look, you laugh, you think about it, you start getting really pissed off.

Good old Hilary Price.

Comments

[Bill]

A small grocery chain in Eastern MA sometimes has clemmies loose in a bin, so you can take a shot at picking all good ones. Good luck with that. At least you're not stuck with the pretend fruit crate. Don't recall what the price was last time.

[Mat]

I have nothing to add. Just wanted to say that I love oranges for lunch. I can't say that I get Clementines in their wood crates. Depending on what's available, I tend to get the larger Valencia or Navel oranges.

Though, even with the plastic bags of oranges, it's possible to get a bunch that just don't taste good. I purchased a bag of oranges a couple months ago that tasted awful. I went through 3 or 4 before tossing them all out. The next bunch were far tastier.

[Jason T.]

Good old Hilary Price ... yes sir!

Good ol' Hilary Price ...

How I hate her!

(Not really.)

[Mary in Ohio]

The little crates store CDs or sleep cats. That's about it.

[Ruth Anne in Winter Park]

I think I would agree with your comments about quality control no matter where I lived. As a native Floridian however, I'm happy to note your appreciation of the Indian River folks.

[Fruitbat]

Where do you get clementines in wooden crates? They're mostly in cardboard boxes around here. (Seattle)
Can't help noticing that this is more comments than usual. People feel comfortable commenting about clementine crates, I guess.

[Mike Peterson]

Mat, even as a poor writer, I try to avoid buying fruit in bulk, which is why tiny cute little orangelings are such a failing. On the other hand, when I buy three or four oranges and get home and find they are fantastic, I will then go back and buy a bunch. Which invariably turn out to be from a different batch and are pretty much what tennis balls would probably be like if they weren't hollow.

And, yes, I was going to use the whole Charlie Brown reference at the end but figured not everyone would get it, at which point it would be odd and offensive. And that, for those who caught it, the hint would be enough. Good old Hilary Price indeed.

Too many quotes to respond to each, but, yeah. And the thing about that is that we have carved out a small, quiet niche on the Internet where people tend not to pontificate on things they don't know anything about. Orange you glad?